


in which they learn to wish

by PlainOldMe



Series: in which we learn to love [2]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angst, Depressive Thoughts, M/M, Permadeath AU, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, haha rushed writing go brrrrrr, hurt-comfort, i still don't know how to tag, soulemate au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlainOldMe/pseuds/PlainOldMe
Summary: he wasn't always bitter and angryhe liked to think that it was xisuma's faulthe had stopped believing in soulmates a long time ago. . .he held the same bitterness and anger, ex found he liked this armored figure maybe a little too much[persona shipping only!!!!][please read the notes!]
Relationships: hels/ex
Series: in which we learn to love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899076
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	in which they learn to wish

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhh guys!!! thank you so so so much for all of the positive feedback i got on the intro part, im was so happy and im so sorry if i didn't reply to a comment you left, i'll try my best to get back to them!! love you all <3
> 
> also this series probably isn't going to have a plot . . . im really really sorry if you guys wanted a plot story, but this is probably going to be a bunch of longerish one-shots with different moments just with soulmates and maybe i might have one's with two or three chapters, im really sorry if this came as a dissapointment ;-;
> 
> most of these writing are also just an outlet for different ships i love and for me to write without as much stress so the quality of the writing is probably just really really bad and im just ranting now so ill stop
> 
> TW: depressive and suicidal thoughts, self-harm (mentioned multiple times, nothing too explicit) 
> 
> Please stay safe while reading!
> 
> also lora . . . im literally so so so so so so so sorry about what happened with my discord account ;-;

❉ ❉ ❉

Ex knew the exact moment he realized he was different. He wasn’t exactly sure what made him so different, his twin seemed to get along fine with everyone else. Maybe it was because he had red eyes and not blue ones, or his white hair or maybe it was because he only had two soul mate expressions instead of the normal six. His parents tried to tell him it meant he didn’t need to worry about picking the right people. He knew the truth, his soul just didn’t fit with the rest. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He had been talking with Xisuma that day. He had been devastated when he had learned he didn’t have a specific expression showing his soul was bonded to Xisuma, the only person he’d ever felt at home with. The only thing joining them together was the small H he had tattooed on his left wrist and Xisuma had on his right, except Xisuma had told him several of his friends also had that same mark. 

Ex had shut down when they came. A group of Xisuma’s friends, knocking on their door and smiling bright. They happily whisked Xisuma away to their new world and Xisuma, his brother, the only one he trusted, just looked back at him with a hint of regret lingering in his eyes. Ex didn’t know why they had left him, he had the same mark as them. He realized that he was different that day. 

❉ ❉ ❉

Ex grew angry in the following years. Bitter hatred and thoughts of revenge overtook his angry mind. He was constantly teased and often came home bruised and bloodied. He learned to fight, he learned to run, he learned to never show weakness, he learned to never ever become attached. His mind was dark and resentful, lashing out at everyone. His wrists were always scabbed over and bleeding. His soulmate marks became a daily reminder of everything he hated. He couldn’t remember how many times he tried to cut off those stupid marks, how many times his body cried in pain while his mind grew satisfied. He had stopped believing in soulmates a long time ago. . 

❉ ❉ ❉

He cursed his second expression. A single phrase, written in a messy cursive font.  _ I may as well take off this mask now and reveal my true identity in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .  _ The first words he’d ever hear from this soulmate. He hated it, he hated them, he hated how the words stayed no matter how many times he cut and gauged them out. He wished he could have just been normal and he vowed he’d make all of his soulmates live’s hell. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He wasn’t sure when he decided to run to the Nether. The hellish landscape reflected his mind and he loved it. The fiery pits, the deathly mobs, the chance of death at every turn, he basked in its glory and somehow, somewhere he found a portal, one he definitely didn’t come through. That’s how he found it. His brother’s stupid world and he found anger coursing through his veins. He ruined their buildings, blew up their precious works, and nearly killed several of them, but even his revenge filled mind wouldn’t stoop that low. He could see the hatred lingering in their eyes and he smiled. They would know, they would definitely know. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He wasn’t satisfied. He came back and caused destruction, but he was never satisfied. A small part of him ached at causing such pain to those his soul was attuned too. He cursed that part of him and the suffering he inflicted on his cursed marks only grew worse. He had only stopped when he nearly fell into a bubbling pit of lava. Blood had dripped down his arms and he started wearing gloves, covering the scars and his marks. They weren’t something he was proud of. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He had calmed, but only slightly. He had taken to the background, watching the Hermits as they called themselves. He liked to picture how he would have fit in with them, he liked to imagine which shops he would have built or how grand his base could have been, but he always liked to picture the Hermits, their lives resting at his fingertips. It was then that he first spotted him, a man. A man with a wave of blonde hair and startling purple eyes. He wore a pink mask and a pink suit with a yellow W on his chest. 

Worm man he called himself, the server’s ultimate hero. Ex would clench his hands into fists and he planned. What if he broke this ultimate hero, showed him the pain he had felt? Yes, that made him smile. 

❉ ❉ ❉

Those cursed words, those stupid cursed words. Ex had been walking when he had heard it.  _ I may as well take off this,  _ and he wanted to rage and shout and destroy everything again. His right forearm burned as he squeezed those stupid words. He had spotted the man, bright pink walking through the field and he approached. It was a haze and he felt a small warmth bloom through his body, but his anger quickly covered it. He had asked, asked the so called hero if he was Worm Man and his words spilled out of him. A sidekick, he was going to be his sidekick and he would break this hero. He couldn’t help it, a laugh, loud and maniacal tore out of his throat and he was happy. He wouldn’t stop to think if that was because he’d finally met one of his soulmates, no he focused on that man’s eventual doom. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He had begun to grow attached to this Worm Man. They had shared countless hours battling various evils and Ex found he didn’t mind his company. He was there when Worm Man wept about his failures and lack of friends and he was there to comfort the man. Ex never saw him take off his suit or mask, he didn’t know the person under that bright pink mask, but he didn’t mind either. 

It was late at night and he had been walking through the shopping district, forgetting about his rule to stay away from highly populated areas. It was a voice, loud and commanding. 

“What are you doing here,” it was filled with such venom and hatred, but he knew that voice. That voice that had told countless stories, that voice that used to fill him with comfort, that voice that sounded so much like his. He turned around and faced him. It hadn’t changed much, his brother’s face, except the look of pure hatred. 

❉ ❉ ❉

His world crashed down on him. All those bitter thoughts came back, plummeting into his brain and he sneered at Xisuma before turning and running. He fled to the Nether, running as far as he could before collapsing near a lava pool. He wondered if anyone would care if he jumped in, the burning lava would kill him quickly. He tentatively reached his hand out towards the burning liquid before he remembered. Of course, he still had his plan. He’d break Worm Man and he told himself he didn’t care if they were soulmates. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He built it quickly, a dark dungeon made of cobblestone. It pained him, but he had done it. The mighty hero Worm Man had been locked away and Ex smiled and tried to ignore the throb of pain from his heart. 

❉ ❉ ❉

Loneliness coursed through his body and he sat still staring out into the barren nether. He couldn’t bring himself to harm the hero any further than throwing him in that cell. He wanted to punch that perfect face of his, but a part of him couldn’t bear to see his soulmate in pain. 

His body shook slightly as he entered the cell, fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins. He felt as if his heart had sunk down into his stomach when he saw him. Battered and torn, Worm Man looked awful and Ex slowly approached, standing over his prone figure. 

❉ ❉ ❉

“Hey,” he muttered quietly. The figure below him didn’t stir and he knelt down gently shaking his shoulders. “Hey Worm Man wake up,” he felt the worry start blooming and he spoke louder. “Hey Worm Man, please wake up!”

He stirred muttering incomprehensible things about fridges and magnets and Ex felt relief. Pure sweet relief flood through his body. His walls that he had built over the years suddenly came tumbling down and he told Worm Man. He told him everything he felt and he cried. He cried for the first time in years. 

❉ ❉ ❉

Ex was so overly excited. He and Worm Man talked and planned and had come up with so many glorious things they would do. Ex asked him only once to see his face, but Worm Man had quickly changed the topic and so Ex accepted he might never see the person behind that obnoxiously pink mask, but that was okay. He was content. 

When the new world came, he saw Worm Man once more and they promised to find each other again, except Worm Man never came. That hermit who looked suspiciously like him found Ex one day and said Worm Man wouldn’t be appearing in this world and Ex just clenched his hands and stormed away. 

He fell into old habits again. Plotting his revenge, letting his anger consume him, trying to get rid of those stupid marsk on his wrist and arm. He didn’t know how much blood he had lost in those weeks. The light headedness and dizziness should have told him he needed to stop, but it was a release for him. 

❉ ❉ ❉

Xisuma had spoken the dreaded words, the words he’d hoped he’d never have to hear from that mouth. 

“GET OUT OF MY WORLD!” Ex flinched and returned back to his childhood home. He didn’t remember much from that time, lifelessly living. His arms were so damaged and his mind was hurt and broken. He didn’t believe in soulmates anyways. 

❉ ❉ ❉

He had stopped feeling, stopped caring, stopped living. It really didn’t matter anymore. He was tired, he was so tired of everything, life, living, feeling. He lay on the floor of the hard warm floor of the nether just staring. He closed his eyes and exhaled. He was just so tired. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ummm thank you?? if you got all the way down here, just thanks! there probably won't be a consistent updating schedule or whatever, sorry ;-;
> 
> also if you have any requests, just ya know, lemme me know cause i'll gladly write something
> 
> also this thing about hels and ex will probably be broken into two chapters just cause i really liked the way it stopped at that moment, but don't worry the next chapter will probably be up in a couple days?? maybe??
> 
> anyway thank you so so so much


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